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It is difficult for me to say my feeling right at the moment. I am extremely frustrated about my life.  What do I want to be? This question always pops up in my head. I know my answer, which is being a good wife. How about my job? I always want to do my best in my job. Unfortunately, it comes to my problem. I can seldom work as expected. I have planned many things but I can only finish half of them, or even less. ‘Chance’ has been here. I have tried to grab but it slips away. I feel extremely uncomfortable about this.

Where do my confidence go these day? This is another question that I ask myself these days. What I can say is that I discover that my confidence left me silently without any notification in the past few years. Maybe it is the phenomenon after the HKCEE. I am extremely worried about the result, and also the academic performance when I was a Form 6 student. When I was a Form 7 student. My confidence left and only ‘alone’ is left.

When I am with my friends, I try my best to be happy and talkative. I am indeed. However, after that, I feel being alone again. In fact, my personality is quite strange. I can be talkative and I can be silent suddenly. I can stay silent for a few hours without giving a sound of ‘hum’.

There is a big degree of difference between silent and quiet. I am regarded as silent but not quiet. This is not a normal character for a talkative person.

Uncomfortable and unsafe can be used to describing my daily life recently. There is no doubt that I am filled with love completely by people surrounding me. However, there is something in my mind that I cannot overcome it. I do not know what it is. I is so disturbing and I lose my control on it. What can I do so I can save myself? What am I worrying about?

The 5-ball Theory gives me a big hint in my life indeed. My friend told me that it seemed that I had lost some of the glass ball. I answered that I struck a good balance between all of them. After giving these words, I considered my answer as ‘cheating for the whole world’. Is it the right thing that I tell myself I have struck a good balance between all of them? I cannot judge myself. There are always pros and cons. I may know whether it is good to me.

What can I do right now? I had better clear my mind. I think I shall wake myself up and find my lost confidence. One day, I can prove that I am doing the right thing and I can give myself an answer.